As with seemingly every other epiphany I’ve had as of late, the latest metaphorical freight train [the Realisation] came hurtling into my life because of 1 x Goh Cheng Ern Peter.

The clock read 6:58pm. It was a Monday evening, and I was basking in the precious aircon that made the light coat of sweat which coated my forehead seemingly fade away. The climbing gym (Z-vert to be exact) was at its maximum capacity of 16 people, yet the place wasn’t particularly noisy. Splattered like drops of loose paint upon the white mats, groups of people feverishly discussed various problems, boulders sprawled across the walls. As Peter put it, they were putting to thought “physical arithmetic”. The air was thick with concentration, but the audible laughs and chuckles though seemingly incoherent, helped lighten the mood. It was at that moment that Peter turned around to ask me something. The conversation is as follows. It’s largely taken from my highly faulty memory, so excuse the discrepancies.

Peter: gong

Gong: ya

Peter: How’s your faith walk

Gong: honestly, damn bad sia

Peter: what you mean

Gong: it’s like- hm, its quite hard to explain. I’m like so far gone that I’m not even scared of falling from faith.

Peter:

Gong: and its like, worrying and scary just how indifferent I am toward my slow distancing from Christianity. I want to blame it on army and unit life, but even I know that’s not true. The onus is on me, and me becoming disillusioned is on me as well.

Peter:

Gong: so like, I need to repent, and I need to run to Him and cling to Him. But even as I know what the correct things to say and pray are, my heart dosen’t feel it. You know? And like even as I consciously drift from Christ, I unconsciously become more self-centred, spiteful, angry and quick-tempered, both at work and home.

Peter: mmm

Gong: wait do you have something you wanna say, or like-

Peter: nah

Gong: LOL okay

Peter:

Gong: yeah, and its like, it really feels like I’m two steps out of the door-no, more like four steps out the door. Like any further and I’ll completely fall away from Christ, but still, I still don’t care, I’m still not scared. It’s like, out of body type beat, ya’know? I see myself treading the precipice of a cliff, and even as the pebbles beneath me crumble, I can’t stop myself.

Peter:

Gong: yeah, okay that’s it

Peter: hm, I’m not sure if this will help you gong, but I was having dinner with a leader from my church a few days back, and he said something that resonated with me.

Gong: okay

Peter:

Gong: um, wait you gonna say it or

Peter: yeah, wait I’m thinking

Gong:

Peter: yeah so, he said that its scary being at our age, because its at this period of our lives that we can choose what we wanna do, and after we make that decision, walking back from it is virtually impossible. It’s wild that we’re essentially committing our futures to thirty plus years of work at this age

Gong:

Peter: and that applies to faith as well, that there’s such a high chance, if we walk off from Christianity now, we really might not return to it till 30 or 40 years from now, if at all, ya’know

Gong: Damn, that hits

Peter: right

Gong: Thanks for sharing that with me Peder, no cap this time, think that was God sending me a wake up call through you

Peter: lol

Gong: reminds me of this John Piper book called ‘Don’t waste your life’ or something, but man it really is like that huh

Peter: yeah

Gong: thats a hard ass reality check if I’m being honest, like yeah, thanks I’m scared now

Peter: good

Gong:

Peter: okay I’m gonna try this 5 again

[proceeds to harvest another soul]

Thanks Peter Goh, you lit.

Anyway, hi reader! It’s certainly been a while huh. For the remaining two of you reading this, thanks for sticking with this blog through the self-engineered hiatus/ thick and thin, but hopefully, I’m back for good this time.

For context, I’ve spent the past few months adjusting to life in my new unit at Guards HQ, alongside falling down the rabbit holes that are rainbow six siege and valorant. Aside from that, I’m hopefully gonna get massive gains in bouldering (by His grace of course). Most importantly however, I hope this post sees me returning to my roots, being more sincere in writing, and doing it all for His glory above all.

Pray for me brothers and sisters in Christ.

All of this, and all of life, is for Christ to be lifted up to the rightful place of worship He deserves. May He have mercy on us, that we may desire Him more by the day.

Soli Deo gloria.